Their own little game
by FallingforWerewolves
Summary: "They did it all the time in school.  It's like a game to them."  Short one-shot with a lot of insults, most of which I hope you find funny.


**A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS! This one-shot came into my head when my older cousin said the first insult you'll see here. BTW, my parents sometimes write on the gift tags of my Christmas presents the names of fictional characters. Do any of your parents do that? Anyway, so apparently I got this leather jacket I've been wanting for a while from Draco Malfoy. I love my parents. Enough blabbering and once again Merry Christmas!**

**Disclaimer: I am not the all-powerful J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

><p>"You shouldn't let your mind wander; it's too small to be out there by itself."<p>

Oh no, she didn't.

Draco's attention was now fully bestowed on the curly haired brunette known as Hermione, who was sitting next to him.

"I heard you wanted a brain transplant, but you can't transplant what isn't there."

In all fairness, she had started it.

"What's that ugly thing growing out of your neck?" she asked. "Oh wait, that's just your head."

"You want to dance? Oh, you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants." Enter: The Smirk.

"Were you born on a highway? Because most accidents happen there."

"Your mother is so stupid that she stared at a carton of orange juice because it said concentrate."

James Sirius Potter, six year-old extrodanaire, tugged on his father's leg.

"Daddy," James asked, "why are Uncle Draco and Aunt Hermione fighting?"

The-Boy-Who-Lived-Multiple-Times just shook his head and chuckled at the couple. Honestly, if anyone had ever told him in school that Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger would end up married, he would have sent them straight to St. Mungo's. But, against all odds, it had happened. And his best friend was truly happy, so that was fine for Harry.

"They're not fighting," he told his son in a loving tone. "They're just doing what they do best."

"What's that?" James asked.

Harry tried to come up with how exactly to explain the odd relationship Hermione and Draco shared. He came up with nothing. Lucky for him, his loving wife Ginny came to the rescue.

"They did it all the time when we were in school," she told her son. "It's like a game to them."

James turned to Scorpius Malfoy, the son of the subjects of the conversation and also his best friend, and asked "Do they do this at your house?"

Scorpius nodded. At age seven, he understood his parents' relationship a little more than James did, but not by much.

"Your mother's right," Scorpius told him, earning a smug look from Ginny, "it's like a game that they won't allow anyone else to play."

"Well, that's rude," James observed. "You should play games with everyone."

Harry and Ginny had to hold in laughter at this, thinking of how the world would be like if everyone was like Draco and Hermione and what a disaster that would be.

"Not this game, son," Harry said, chuckling lightly. "Not this game."

Things were starting to cool down on the other side of the room with the lovely couple.

"I don't what makes you so stupid, but it works!" Hermione told Draco brightly.

"I thought about you all day. I was at the zoo."

"I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high."

"I'd like to help you get out. Which way did you come in?"

"I'll never forget the first time we met even though I keep trying."

"I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?"

"Keep talking. Maybe someday you'll say something intelligent."

"Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn."

"So a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey."

"You should toss out your funny remarks; that's all their good for."

"Hey, lovebirds!" Ron Weasley called out to them.

They both snapped to attention with innocent looks on their faces.

Luna neé Lovegood, now Weasley, giggled to herself. "Innocent doesn't suit you two."

"We certainly aren't innocent, I'll tell you that," Draco said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Hermione slapped his arm. "Draco, there are children in the room!"

Ginny smirked (it sort of looked like a cross between Hermione's and Draco's). "Would you two quit your odd tendencies and pretend to be normal while we exchange gifts?"

Draco smirked in return. "No promises."

_Later that night..._

Draco couldn't sleep. So, he did what he always did when he couldn't sleep. He rolled over to face Hermione and said:

"All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?"

She rolled her eyes and her next insult rolled off her tongue easily.

"You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you."

"Earth's full. Go home."

"Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?"

"Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given worse advice."

"Calling you an idiot would be an insult to the idiots of the world."

"I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?"

"You have a face like a Saint; a Saint Bernard, that is."

"Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck."

"Is your name Dandruff? You get into people's hair."

Draco wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, Hermione."

"I love you too, Draco."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you found this humourous (if I even spelled that right). And once again:<strong>

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


End file.
